I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can I color on your dick again?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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