I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
