Just fell off a train. Bad.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
