You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
