sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
