The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
