We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
