He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
