your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There are leaves in my underwear?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
