You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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