He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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