k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
