I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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