so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
