lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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