This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
