don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What drink are we having for lunch?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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