idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
