I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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