Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
