Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
