Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
