I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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