Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My pussy is not your playground.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
