yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
