Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
