All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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