They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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