Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
