A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
