What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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