All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
