why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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