I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
True college students do jello shots in the library
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
