Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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