thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
