they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
