I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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