I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
