I faked an abortion last night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
