The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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