allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
