He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Mom said you looked used
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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