We're like a lot better than the average bears
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the day after is always just damage control
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
