3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
