He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
