I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
