I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
