Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
