the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
